by Joe Rubino, PhD
Research points to the fact that each child suffers an early assault to his or her self-esteem at a young age, typically between birth and 6 years of age. The child's initial realization that he or she is imperfect and somehow does not measure up, is flawed, or is not worthy of love, happiness, rich relationships, abundance, and fulfillment comes as a result of this early traumatic episode when the child either buys into the disparaging view of another or creates an interpretation that he or she is defective in some important way, even though no such conclusion was offered or intended by another.
From the time of this early realization forward, the child will scan for situations that reinforce this initial assumption that there is something not good enough about who he or she is intrinsically. Over the years and decades of gathering such evidence and actually creating it as a self-fulfilling prophesy, the child and later the adult develops a certain and unshakable belief in his or her imperfection. Diminished self-esteem and the resulting expectations of failure, struggle, suffering, broken relationships, and hurt are the inevitable result.
There are many things that parents can do to champion their children to possess a strong self-image and high self-esteem. These include the following.
1. Love them unconditionally.
2. Distinguish bad behavior from being a bad person.
3. Speak to children respectfully and acknowledge them daily for some worthwhile quality they possess.
4. Empower them to have the confidence to make their own choices.
5. Remind them regularly that everyone has unique gifts. Support them to identify what theirs are.
6. Look with the child to identify what may be missing that if put into place would allow him to be more effective, rather than looking for what's wrong with them.
7. Assist each child to identify and pursue special hobbies, interests, and passions.
8. Regularly support children to see the other person's perspective and to possess empathy and understanding.
9. Set the example of forgiveness by forgiving yourself, forgiving your children, and forgiving others so that your children might learn to do the same.
10. Live with gratitude and support your children to be aware of and grateful for their many blessings.
11. Teach each child to expect success, happiness, rich relationships, and abundance.
12. Teach children the art of visioning and support them to create a written personal vision for every aspect of their lives and to co-create a family vision with all family members.
13. Teach children to set goals that are attainable, but a stretch.
14. Teach them to identify their most prevalent emotional response to stressful situations and to create mood-free interpretations at will that are free of anger, sadness, and fear by developing empathy for the other person's perspective.
15. Teach children effective organizational and study skills.
16. Teach them to gain clarity about what their intentions are and reinforce the value of acting in alignment with their commitments, rather than what is most convenient.
17. Teach children the power of decisive, focused action and the costs of procrastination.
18. Teach the value of daily exercise, sufficient sleep, and proper nutrition by being an example yourself.
19. Love yourself and give up your right to invalidate yourself and teach them this same worthwhile practice.
20. Include contribution as a family value, teaching children to contribute regularly to others and especially to those in need.
21. Eliminate negative influences from your life and show children how to focus on the positive in every situation.
22. Add balance to your life and show children the value of integrating work and play.
23. Enjoy the process of life and find happiness in the course of everyday.
24. Stress to children their ability to influence others by acting intentionally.
25. Remind children of their significance and that they are loved and accepted for who they are.
26. Teach children to welcome problems by understanding that each problem possesses for them an insightful gift awaiting their discovery.
27. Teach children to identify their most important values and to honor them in all their decisions so that they might live without regrets.
28. Teach children to respect the magnificence of others and support them to understand that they can learn something from every single person if they listen with this intention.
29. Teach children the difference between self-esteem and ego by encouraging their appreciation for what it is like in the world of others and assisting them to develop their effectiveness with other people.
30. Live by example, acknowledge when you make a mistake, do whatever is necessary to clean it up and teach children the value of doing the same.
_____
Learn more about Dr. Rubino's life-changing work in championing people to restore their self-esteem at www.SelfEsteemSystem.com.
Posted: 01/05/2010
